


Things Not Taught in School

by yoursetcetera (DoctorSyntax)



Category: History Boys (2006)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-14
Updated: 2008-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-18 04:05:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorSyntax/pseuds/yoursetcetera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suppose that everything happened the way it did, except Irwin and Dakin did have a drink -- this would be the summer before Dakin left for Oxford (or, Dakin being startlingly brilliant at history but rather thick about what a relationship entails).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Not Taught in School

_One of the hardest things for boys to learn is that a teacher is human. One of the hardest things for a teacher to learn is not to try and tell them._

***

  
For all the times he'd left Fiona sitting on his bed as he wrote furiously (and wouldn't he keep Irwin's attention with _this_ essay, he was sure of it), she'd done the same to him, or she'd wanted to talk about what they were doing, or ask to be taken to the pictures. Or she wouldn't be in the mood: a rare line, but the one that had the most power.

Dakin, of course, viewed all these things as necessary evils in the war of relationships; the human cost, soldiers dying valiantly to further the campaign (of which the terms of victory would be Dakin getting a blow-job).

And Irwin was easily defeated, so much so that Dakin briefly thought of Posner's 'calculated retreat' -- for christ's sake, it bordered on surrender. But Dakin was interested by Irwin, so he didn't mind (much) when Irwin wanted to talk, or go somewhere, or do something other than, well, each other. He didn't even mind the cast, or helping Irwin around, or into bed (he especially didn't mind this). Just being with Irwin was a new kind of thrill, something that wasn't forbidden anymore, but still felt like trouble-making.

At least, for the first month.

He would be excited to see Irwin, because it was only every-now-and-then, at most twice a week. It was rather a step down from the three-or-more lessons a week than they'd had before -- but as time went on, it began to feel more and more like a relationship to Dakin. And he'd thought that was what he wanted.

But he couldn't reconcile the Irwin he knew from Cutler's with the Irwin who would sit against propped-up pillows and make grocery lists while Dakin gathered up his clothing from around the bedroom and put it all on. With the Irwin whom people would refer to as 'Tom', shaking Dakin's hand when they were introduced, telling Dakin what a catch _Tom_ was (speaking just a bit too close to Dakin's face, so much so that he could smell the three pints they'd just had). The Irwin who would invite Dakin over to watch a film and actually mean _watch a film_ , as Dakin would only realize when Irwin frowned and batted away Dakin's wandering hands.

"Sometimes it's a wonder you could even function in school, let alone do well enough to get to Oxford," Irwin told him once.

And sometimes, standing in Irwin's flat, Dakin breathes in and tastes nothing but staleness. He is not unhappy, but dissatisfied. He goes home, and sometimes he does not think of Irwin at all, and sometimes Irwin is all he thinks of.

He feels as if he should tell Irwin that someone's taken over his (meaning Irwin's) body and is pretending to be him, because there's no way that this person yawning in front of him is the person he used to be in awe of, who was so sharp and calculating, who made him feel like maybe he wasn't enough the way he was. The first person to make Dakin push away a beautiful girl when some kind of inspiration about the subjectivity of history came to him suddenly, and _won't this make a great essay for Irwin, he'll have to like this one_ , he'd thought.

Why doesn't he think that anymore?

The only thing that connects this Irwin with the Irwin he knew from Cutler's is the glasses, and Irwin's steadfast refusal to take them off until he absolutely had to. The rest of it, Dakin feels, is different and wrong (never like he imagined), and he is glad, almost relieved, when he begins packing to leave for Oxford. When they say their good-byes, a hint of his teacher, of the proper Irwin, comes back as Irwin fixes him with _that_ look and says that he hopes Dakin learns things other than just history (such as the correct definition a relationship, and the mundane, every-day things he should expect the next time he finds himself in one).


End file.
